Mind map!

LOVE and INFATUATION is not simple. Yes, it may lead to good things like peace of mind, satisfaction and happy marriages but it may also lead to a few more issues.

First when a person is highly infatuated or feels that she is definitely in love with THE one he or she may make impulsive decisions such as getting married. Based on studies, most of divorce cases are caused by rushed marriages. Also, if one of the spouse finds someone along the way and again gets infatuated or falls in love it may also lead to extra-marital affairs.

Another one of the impulsive decisions an infatuated person may make is rushing into sex or premarital sex. This may either lead to divorce because it is an unwanted pregnancy or to a rushed marriage to give the baby a name and save them from "embarassment".
If there is heartbreak it may also lead to vices because of the feeling that you lost your "one true love."

If there is no break-up there might be pressure to please your loved one so you will do anything he or she does like again, vices or even pre-marital sex.

INFATUATION...

It is defined as the "state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or addictive love".

CHARACTERISTICS:

urgency

intensity

anxiety

sexual desire

It starts with physical attraction and eventually it turns into extreme absorption over another person.

The relationship may have negative characteristics mainly because of it being built on infatuation such as:

insecurity

distrust

lack of confidence

feeling of being threatened

nagging doubts

unanswered questions

It is basically based on fantasy and contributes to the self-devaluation because of the constant need for affirmation. It also includes the point wherein the person needs the other for "completeness"

People in these situations sometimes rush into things like marriage and sex out of fear of losing one another. Infatuation may eventually grow into love as long as the parties involve learb how to allow each other to grow.

This is sort of a LOVE vs. INFATUATION

Love or Infatuation

"You can tell that it's infatuation when you think that he's as sexy as Paul Newman, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smart as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably sure that it's love when you realize he's actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galbraith and doesn't resemble Paul Newman in any way--but you'll stick with him anyway." -Judith Viorst

(1) Do I treat the other person as a person or a thing? If you go out with him/her because he/she is good looking (a "prize" to be with) or a way out (a ticket to the movies), that isn't love.

(2) Would you choose to spend the evening alone with him/her if there were no kissing, no touching, and no sex? If not, it isn't love.

(3) Are the two of you at ease and as happy alone as you are with friends? If you need other friends around to have a good time, it isn't love.

(4) Do you get along? If you fight and make up a lot, get hurt and jealous, tease and criticize one another, better be careful, it may not be love.

(5) Are you still interested in dating or secretly "messing around" with others? If so, you aren't in love.

(6) Can you be totally honest and open? If either or both of you are selfish, insincere, feel confined, or unable to express feelings, be cautious.

(7) Are you realistic? You should be able to admit possible future problems. If others (besides a parent) offend you by saying they are surprised you are still together, that you two seem so different, that they have doubts about your choice, better take a good look at this relationship.

(8) Is either of you much more of a taker than a giver? If so, no matter how well you like that situation now, it may not last.

(9) Do you think of the partner as being a part of your whole life? If so, and these dreams seem good, that is an indication of love.

source:

http://www.links2love.com/isitlove.htm

LOVE...

"Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
-1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV)

DEFINITION OF LOVE:For the bible love is "a set of attitudes and actions that are far broader than the concept of love as an emotional attachment." IN FACT THE BIBLE DOES NOT ONLY TEACH US TO LOVE OUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS BUT ALSO OUR ENEMIES.


"Two California sociologists, Thomas Lasswell and Terry Hatkoff, have developed a Love Scale:

Romantic love --this lover thinks constantly about the loved one, is jealous, unrealistic, will tolerate anything, is sexually attracted by physical appearance, needs repeated reassurance he/she is loved in return. Typically lasts a few months or a few years (some anthropologists say it lasts 4 years, i.e. until the baby is through nursing and can walk and run. Then the love bond releases the more powerful males to find another female to impregnate with his genes.)

Best friend or companionate love --this lover enjoys the companionship and intimacy of a close friendship. It is a comfortable, slowly developing, trusting, committed relationship, not intense excitement, desperation, or sexual obsessions.

Unselfish love --the lover is devoted and self-sacrificing to the loved one, gives without expecting anything in return, is gentle, caring, and dutiful.

Logical love--the lover carefully selects the "right person" logically, looking for someone with compatible interests, similar education and religion, a harmonious personality, common values, and long-term goals.

Game-playing love --this person may be charming but is hardly a lover; he/she merely enjoys the dating game. He/she relishes the meeting, the impressing, the seducing, the challenge of a conquest but usually makes it clear there is little or no long-term commitment to the other person.

There are other kinds of loves and lovers, of course, like the one who searches for a physical ideal--a great body or some specific bodily feature--or the one who is so possessive he/she wants to control the other person and gets physically sick or depressed or does foolish things when the relationship seems threatened."

source:

http://www.links2love.com/isitlove.htm